Awe-some and Awe-struck

Ya know, a lot of friends and family members have asked me how I’ve been and what life as a missionary has been like since I’ve graduated college and taken on this crazy role trying my best to share the Gospel on the college campus. It’s funny because this simple question always encourages me to ponder. To ponder on what the Lord has so graciously given me this semester that I haven’t set the time aside to think about and actually give thanks for. To ponder how much He’s loving me through certain circumstances. And to ponder His goodness, beauty, and truth. But this question everyone asks is surprisingly difficult to answer. Not because I don’t have an answer… but because the answer in my head seems to be a much longer explanation than people might be expecting. And to be honest, it’s hard to find someone in this world who wants to listen to more than a 5-minute response about how life REALLY is. So taking this into account, I decided to answer this question in its fullest, most simple way. This semester as a FOCUS missionary has been AWESOME. Let me tell ya why:

Having the hardest most challenging summer of my life. That was AWESOME. It helped teach me that I can’t rely on myself but seeing as that’s a reality, I can rely on someone greater than myself to do the heavy lifting.

Throwing pieces of watermelon at other FOCUS teams during summer training. AWESOME. Living life on the edge. It’s a fun thing to do.

Feeling alone in a foreign place with no friends, no family, and no idea what I’m doing. AWESOME. Sometimes being fulfilled completely to know God and your purpose in what He’s trying to tell you requires first being stripped of everything you’ve ever been familiar with. Forever grateful for being pruned the way that I was this semester.

Talking to hundreds of individuals and families who were willing to financially and prayerfully invest in the mission I’m striving to live out. AWESOME. People who support helping humanity be better was so encouraging to see! Praise God for those people. Beyond grateful.

Watching sorority skits during rush week (my first week on campus). AWESOME. Helped expose me to the great opportunity there was in the Greek System at A&M and it helped me meet the women I would be working with through the semester.

Owning a popcorn machine. AWESOME. Endless entertainment.

Meeting Mary at move-in day, a girl who tried to find every excuse to escape her parents. AWESOME. Mary went on to later join a FOCUS bible study and form community there. Thank God for rebellion in the best way.

For phone calls with best friends when you really need to talk to someone who knows your heart the best. AWESOME. Talk about comfort when you feel isolated and clueless. Thanks Jesus.

Getting coffee with strangers who you’ve never met but who you’ve prayed for for months. AWESOME. You are too good to me, Lord. These women are rockstars.

Getting into a movie at the theatre for $4.75 because they think you’re a student. AWESOME.

When a sorority woman who is busy 24/7 makes time for discipleship and holy mass at 7am every week. AWESOME. Who does that?! Saints do! Saints, I tell you! Thanks for the holy witness 24/7 my 24/7 stud.

Being told you’re leading a mission trip to Peru with 20 students and 5 other leaders. AWESOME. Let’s climb Machu Picchu and serve like never before.

Starting bible studies and having some weeks where only 1 of 10 women showed up. AWESOME. Why? Because those conversations were life-changing. Thank you Holy Spirit.

Having meetings with my team director and being reminded that I am a daughter of God and that having me-time is in fact crucial (and not selfish) to being happy, fulfilled, and joyful. AWESOME. ‘Nuff said.

Letters from high school and college friends. AWESOME. A constant reminder to never forget where you came from.

For team nights drinking beer and watching “Wild Hearts Can’t Be Broken.” AWESOME. My teammates love me so well and I am eternally grateful for their constant affirmation. They’ve taught me that community is vital to living as a part of the Body of Christ.

Watching a disciple gain the courage to attend an Interview Weekend with FOCUS and submitting to God’s will the entire way through. AWESOME. What a witness of willingness to follow Jesus Christ.

Driving 12 hours to celebrate a sorority sister’s wedding in Kansas. AWESOME. Young people making commitments and not being fearful of decisiveness makes me HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY!

Receiving picture texts from spiritual directors. AWESOME. Super holy people who help me get to Heaven every day through their advice, direction, and prayers for my poor soul. Thank God for them.

Having a roommate who teaches me that people are far more important than things… especially when she refused all semester to upgrade from her cheap flip phone. AWESOME. She taught me how to live against the gradient of the world.

Answering hard questions and recognizing I don’t know everything when a disciple asks questions about truth. AWESOME. Thankful for the humility check and recognition that I’m never finished learning.

When a girl from bible study cries tears straight from her heart and shows me the most vulnerability any human has ever shown to me. AWESOME.

Learning Aggie Traditions. AWESOME. They’re weird, but sure are cool! Gig ‘Em!

Falling in love with praying the rosary and growing closer to Jesus with Mary holding my hand on my way there. AWESOME. Moms are so wonderful. They also send you cool packages like my earthly mom did 3X this semester. Thanks for loving me so well, mom.

Getting the flu. AWESOME. Ok… this one sounds weird. But it’s the only way Jesus could make me slow down. And that was awesome. What a stubborn human I am.

For a friendship with a human who loves potatoes as much as I do. AWESOME. So many life chats and challenging each other in virtue. Beautiful. Beautiful. Beautiful.

Onesies, hot chocolate, and reading scripture in front of Christmas trees. AWESOME. Holy friendship speaks a unique language to my heart. What unity Jesus gives to us!

Missionary summits that allow you to bond with other first year missionaries about the struggles of missionary life. AWESOME. I learned really quickly how important it is to remember the people who are in my same shoes across the country. These people get me through the hard things. Praise!

The holy hours every day that were difficult to not press the snooze button for. AWESOME. What used to feel like a century of prayer in holy hour is oftentimes filled with me asking for more time there now.

Going to confession accompanied by women who hadn’t been in years. AWESOME. Talk about heroic courage. Bring on the virtue!

Watching a teammate get engaged in the choir loft of the church. AWESOME. Yes vocations. Yes holy relationships. Yes yes yes!

Halloween costumes. AWESOME. Creativity is best depicted on Oct. 31.

Pumpkin Carving. AWESOME. I’m not good at it. Nor do I make very cool designs. But hey, it’s still fun to try to make cool pictures on a veggie and cook the seeds with girly gals who don’t judge me.

When your twin comes to visit you and meets 2,313,567,235 students (ok… maybe not that many) and acts as chipper as ever! AWESOME. What a gift and her true showing of having a missionary heart.

Falling into the ocean while trying to get into a kayak on team offsite. AWESOME. Water was 50 degrees but I think I’m gonna live an extra 20 years because of how long I laughed.

Missing flights to your friends’ wedding over Thanksgiving but having the time to talk to 2 priest friends and a seminarian bestie. AWESOME. God’s timing wins every time, not mine.

Hugs, snuggles, and Chipotle with a disciple who wants to make disciples and evangelize with everything she has. AWESOME. So cool to see the vision of the women I’m fortunate to work with. What a gift.

Spontaneous phone conversations with my mentor to hear the words, “Fallon… how are you?” after already once asking the question “how are you…” knowing that I’ve filtered my answer. AWESOME. Teaching me the art of vulnerability.

Giving blood for the first time and fighting the fear of needles with a dear friend by my side. AWESOME. Led to the craziest discipleship ask I’ve ever had. Thank you Lord for giving me souls who help me live life on the edge!

Being a FOCUS missionary and striving (emphasis on this word) to live life in the smallest of ways as a disciple of Jesus Christ, even after failing time and time again. AWESOME. What a privilege it is to live mission in this life on earth. GOSH JESUS YOU LOVE ME SO MUCH. Life isn’t perfect but You are. Thankful for Your abounding mercy, forgiveness, and for smothering me with lots of love. Pure awesomeness.

Until next time…

+JMJ+